| 1 | An Introductory to Earbleeds, Headaches and Refunds! | | 1:24 |
| 2 | Alone On a Monday Night, Aren't You Just Pathetic? | | 4:11 |
| 3 | If You Walk Far Enough Into a Forest, You Can Find Yourself In an Area Where a Wonderful Sound Can Be Heard. However, It Seems Like That Sound Can't Be Heard At The Moment. | | 14:08 |
| 4 | The Government Paid Some Dude to Sneak a Mic Into Hell, and This Is The Audio They Got From It. I Have So Many Fucking Questions. How Did You Get a Dude IN and OUT Of Hell? How The Hell Did He Get a Microphone Into It? What Else Can The Fucking Government Do? | | 0:52 |
| 5 | But The Last Track Has to Be The Worst, Right? There's No Way a Teenage Faggot Living in The United States Can Make Good Music. It's Impossible. Goddamnit, I Want My Fucking Refund (And I Want It Now!) [The Closing Track] | | 3:06 |
